I Chose To Be Blue...So Maybe That's The Reason Why I'm Sad

Today's the day I feel so alone.

I feel like everything is going wrong.

I have almost everything naman.

I'm studying in one of the best universities in the country, I have a supportive and caring family, I have good friends, and Karlo who means a lot to me just as I am to him.

Pero bakit parang nothing's going right.

Something is missing.

I'm not happy with my life.

Maybe I'm suffering from depression.

College is no joke.

College is hard.

If you don't work hard, you won't get anything.

If you work hard enough, you still won't get anything.

And if you work super hard, you only get a fraction of what you deserve.

Hardwork is really needed to survive in the Ateneo.

Ang hirap mag-adjust sa buhay college.

I'm doing my best to survive pero nahihirapan ako, gusto ko ng umiyak.

I feel so alone din.

I'm 5 hours away from home and 7 hours away from Karlo.

I miss my high school friends so much and my high school life, too!

I have high school friends din naman dito sa Manila pero hindi rin naman kami lagi nagkikita.

High school life is way too easy compared to my life right now.

I'm missing it.

If I survive a day in college, accomplishment na yun for me.

And now, I reminisce my old life and cry... trying to remember how much fun I had.

During high school, I can study and have fun at the same time.

Pero now, if you study...study lang. If fun naman, hindi mo masyado enjoy kasi iniisip mo pa rin yung mga schoolwork na dapat mong gawin.

I don't have a good foundation pa for my English and Math classes which makes it even harder for me.

In my old school, I'm one of the smart kids(modesty aside) pero now in my university, I'm one of the clueless students.

Minsan tuloy I wonder...bakit kaya ako pumasa ng Ateneo?

Parang it's impossible eh.

I'm sorry masyado ko yatang dinadown sarili ko.

Pero it's true eh.

Nahihirapan ako.

The transition from high school to college is never easy talaga.

Minsan naiisip ko, sana hindi na lang ako nag-ADMU para hindi mataas expectation nila sa akin.

Nakakahiyang maging drop out ng ateneo.

I will definitely disappoint the people around me if mangyari yun.

I'm studying hard naman eh.

It's just that parang kahit anong gawin ko kulang pa rin.

Dati, I want to graduate with latin honors sa ateneo.

Pero now, all I want is to graduate kahit walang makuhang honors dahil super nahihirapan ako.

Wala naman akong sinisisi sa nangyayari sa akin ngayon.

Maybe masayado lang ako naii-stress sa dami ng ginagawa at iniisip.

Sana sembreak na..

Nakaka-perfect rin naman ako ng quizzes, minsan one mistake. Pero may mga quizzes din ako na 2/5 at 4/10.

Those quizzes make me sad.

Anyway, makakabawi pa naman siguro ako.

I'll really do my best.

I don't want to switch universities.

I have to stay here.

I must stay here.

Though I know it's not going to be easy...God will take care of me.

stressed. depressed. tired.

will I survive?